This evening I had to dog sit my "dog sister." No joke, my mother really does call her that. Lee-loo is a 15 week old deaf Chihuahua and the latest addition to my mother's doggie children.
My mother dropped the dog off while sporting her "World's Greatest Dog Mom" t-shirt. Of course I immediately whipped out my blackberry, took a picture and sent it to facebook. Her fashion sense is timeless and needs to be shared with the masses.
The following were her instructions on how I was to care for Lee-loo while she was gone for the evening:
My mother: "Lee-loo likes to be held while wrapped in her mom and dad blanket. (The blanket says mom and dad all over it). Here is her chew toy. (Which was in a cup that had her name on it). Put her down for a nap around 4:30. Don't leave her outside to go potty alone because an eagle can take her and fly off."
Me: "For Christ sake I'm not putting your dog down for a nap. I have a column due tomorrow and I'm working.
After a frustrating evening of not getting much work done, who knew a deaf dog could bark so much, my mom called to check on her dog child.
My mother: "How is Lee-loo? What is she doing?"
Me: "Well she pissed on my floor in the kitchen, shit on Shelby's bed, despite me taking her out numerous times. She would only shut up if I let her lay on my boobs, and she walked on my keyboard while I was trying to work. She was sleeping but she just got up."
My mother: "If you rock her slowly back and forth she will go back to sleep. You could also rub her back while she is in her basket.
Me: "I'm not rocking your damn dog to sleep!"
My mother: "Don't forget, don't leave her outside by herself because of the eagles and make sure she goes potty outside before bed.
Instead of getting my column done, I spent the evening going outside waiting for the Helen Keller of dogs to take a dump and not be dog-napped by eagles.
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