Miss Manners

So I take my mom to lunch the other day and invite a friend of mine who also happens to be an expert on manners and etiquette.  The three of us are enjoying a fabulous lunch at one of our favorite spots when my mom shows me a small piece of "hair" from her plate and says:

My mom: Is this pubic hair?


Me and the manners expert: dead silence


My mom: Oh never mind, it's a piece of my sweater.


On the off chance that it was pubic hair, I'm pretty sure the rules of etiquette would dictate that one politely dispose of it and NOT mention it to the other guests.  More so, whose mind goes right to pubic hair, especially when it was blue.

Eating Like a Snake

During a typical meal with the Stud Muffin, I'm done eating by the time he has finished adding condiments to his food.  He considers me a fast eater and I consider him the slowest eater in the world.

His comment came after I finished my breakfast in the time it took him to salt, pepper and cut up his.

Stud Muffin: "Jesus honey, most of your digestion must occur in your stomach.  You eat like a snake.  I'm surprised you aren't shitting out bones."

To Eat or Not to Eat

The Stud Muffin and I are doing a 6 week cleanse/diet which calls for fasting one day every two weeks.  I have no interest in fasting.  I'm on the short bus to crazy town if I miss one meal, I can't imaging going a whole day without eating.

Me:  "I don't think I can fast for a whole day."


Stud Muffin: "Some people around the world fast for a day because they have no food.  What if your life depended on it?  We should do it just to prove we can!'


Me: "I could probably eat my own shit if my life depended on it, but I'm going to do it just to prove I can."

Insert eye roll and sigh of exasperation from the Stud Muffin.